Are you a Competent Communicator?

There are many ways you can improve your relationship. However, knowing how to be a competent communicator with your partner is a crucial skill to make your relationship work. Canary, Cody, and Manusov, all experts in human communication argue in their book, Interpersonal communication: A goals based approach that a lack of communication competence can be associated with bad states like mental illness, depression, anxiety, loneliness, among others.

In addition, they also make the claim that communication competence is positively associated with having friends and the ability to function personally. But, how to you become a competent communicator?

1. First, you should know your motivations as an individual. What are your goals? What do you want and don't want? Knowing your motivations for personal goals is vital to understand your behavior. 
2. You must also know how to act. Once you are motivated toward a goal, you begin constructing plans to obtain it. Tend to adopt plans that have worked in similar situations instead of recreating new plans for each situation.
3. Show your skills. Perform your behaviors so that you become a competent communicator.  

In addition, you must also learn how to:

A) Adapt. The ability to change behaviors and goals to meet the needs of the interaction.

B) Be involved in a conversation. You must be cognitively involved in the conversation and demonstrate your involvement through interactional behavior. 

C) Manage you conversations. In other words, know how to regulate your interactions.

D) Show empathy. Demonstrate to your conversational partner that you understand his or her situation and that you share his or her emotional reactions to it.

E) Be effective. The objectives that you have for your conversations.

F) Show appropriateness. Uphold the expectations for a giving situations.

Hopefully all this tips will help you become a competent communicator in your long-distance relationship. Now put them to work! 

Email as the key to SUCESS

Emailing your romantic partner or family member is the key to succeed in your long distance relationship. If you don't have an email account yet, get one!

A study performed in 2008 found that self-disclosure (openness), discussing social networks, and positivity were the main categories found in college students emails to family members and friends. In the study, 226 college students from several southwestern universities were asked to provide copies of interpersonal emails for one week. The study then applied Canary and Stafford's (1994) Maintenance Strategy Topology Model that deals with how people maintain their interpersonal relationships, and concluded that:

• Emails with family members and friends were most likely to exhibit the maintenance behavior of openness, social network, and positivity. In other words, emails with both family members and friends focus on maintaining the relationship and establishing positive attitudes. So go ahead, email that especial someone! 

• Romantic partners were most likely to report assurances (positive declarations), openness, and positivity. Same as with family and friends but with a little more romanticism! 

• Both romantic partners and family members reported higher proportions of assurances, which focus on communicating the importance of the relationship.   

Now that you have the evidence, email that especial someone!

What if you are NOT in a long distance relationship? Then ACT like one

Surprisingly, a 2014 article from CNN Living claims that you should "act like a long distance couple (even if you are not)". Why? Because people in long distance relationships try harder that geographically close couples in communicating affection and intimacy. This makes people in long distance relationships often have stronger bonds from more constant and deeper communication.

All this sounds pretty good, right? But what are the acting methods? Here are some acting tips that the article talks about:

• First, you should keep in touch with your partner. For example, text or email that special someone every once in a while so they know you are there for them. You can say things like "How's your day been?" or "Thanks for cooking dinner last night", but be careful to not overload your partner with constant annoying messages.
• Second, really talk to your romantic partner. Don't spend time talking about mundane details of everyday life. Go deeper! Maybe share a funny or sad story that has happened to you lately or even share personal stories from the past with each other.
• Lastly, communicate with your partner. Learning good communication techniques is critical to maintain a stable relationship. Also, it can help you connect with your partner in more meaningful ways and understand him or her better. Try and find a book that can help you with you communication skills, for example.

Now that you have the acting tips, get started! 

To read more from the article, click here.

Far-Far Away But Still Connected

A 2013 Huffington Post article makes the claim that no matter where you are, the best friend's connection is the one that has a link to the sanest, most honest version of yourself while challenging yourself to never lose it.

In other words, challenge yourself to step into the unknown! The biggest threat in most friendships is being apart. However, don't let this idea full you. Sometimes you have to make the decision of leaving your friend behind and venture on so both of you value your friendship a little more.

"It was hard when we were separated for the first time by college (a short lived experiment after which we ended up transferring to the same school) " Joanna says, "but when we went our separate ways to find careers and lives of our own, we found that no distance could ever take away the home base that is our friendship".

To read the entire article, click here.

Friends 4 Life

With more possibilities for communicating, face-to-face contact with friends who live too far away is decreasing. A 2009 study from the Communication Quarterly found that ninety percent of individuals report having at least one close long distance friend, and 82% of college students report e-mailing a long distance friend at least once per week, on average.

This is good news for all the friends out there! Despite the challenge of being far away from each other, young adults that attend college make a commitment to "keep in touch" with their high school friends as they move on to college. The study also made three interesting findings:

1. 81% of long distance friends in the study reported that their levels of commitment were currently rising, instead of falling. Isn't that good news?

2. Long distance friendships were of longer duration that geographically close ones.

3. Both long distance and geographically close friendships showed high, currently rising levels of commitment.

4. The study also provided evidence that proximity and frequent face-to-face  are not requirements for close interpersonal relationships, as well as friendships. So don't worry about the distance because your friendship and/or romantic relationship does not require proximity for it to succeed in the future! Isn't that great?

When Distance is a Problem (females only)

For all the females students out there. A 2010 study found that in terms of the distress level, different relational experiences are found among female students. In other words, this means that depending on the level of anxiety that you may experience when your romantic partner is away, it can make you to respond either negatively or positively to the overall relationship.

The study made several findings for both low  and high distress females. For low distress females it found:

1. They were in relatively satisfying relationships.

2. Reported that being apart posed a moderate level of threat to the relationship. Indicating that the relationship was of value and something they likely wish to continue.

3. Reported more satisfaction for a potential reunion with their partner.
For high distress females:

1. Being apart from their partner or uncertainty was their primary stressor.

2. They were significantly less satisfied, and felt that the stressor threatened their relationships more than those in the low distress.

Whether you are a low or high distressed female, remember to always follow the 5 steps for a better long-distance relationship.

LDR Statistics

Long-distance relationships are very common and are growing every year. However, what are the numbers? Where are the statistics? The website Scienceofrelationships responds to common questions that every college students might have about long-distance relationships while laying out important numbers and statistics with this cool info-graphic.


Did you know?

• 70% of college students have been in a long distance relationship.
• Long-distance relationships are better than geographically close relationships.
• Long-distance partners who see each other less frequently idealize each other more, which is a problem when they stop being long distance.
• More frequent communication and visits predict greater likelihood of staying together after this transition.
• Relationship quality in long-distance relationships depends on how certain partners are that they will reunite. 
• 50% of all people say that loneliness is a central component of long-distance.